My Modest Proposal

Hollywood and MTV's The Hills have got it all wrong. They've run the homeless out of town to feel comfortable; traded them for pillows stuffed with presidents. I propose instead that to end the epidemic of the homeless starving in America, we halt all productions in spaying and neutering; as it is so the dogs and cats in question do not have any say in the removal of their genitalia, to which, if they did I imagine would come a great howling. Likewise, the accuracy and senses of the homeless community would be incredibly sharpened, useful in future wars, and seeing as we hold all other countries, especially those of the third world, below that of dogs and cats, the homeless community's skills in hunting would be quite practical. I propose that we arm them with a particularly small amount of government aid but I say we relieve ourselves from educating them; it would be far better use for their own livelihoods in a stray hunting or war battlezone if they acquired all of the necessary skills themselves, for we all know that learning to stand on one's own two feet makes the best standing army, the regalia of which is good ol' Red White and Blue and Green. When and if they returned, there would, of course, be a great commencement and hooplah and thanking all around, because these boys both learned how to eat for themselves and kept us from losing our freedom. And in times of peace, when the world is at ease because we are at ease, we can rest assured knowing that the homeless community can retain all of their previous freedoms, without any "butting in" from the government; the government will, out of gracious thanks, turn a blind eye to any possible dis-courageous actions involving strays, and Her People, us of course, should also not think any less of these great heroes of war and stray number thinning, because while we sleep in our down beds with the heaters on, we know that our country will have been protected and and stray cats and dogs will have been thinned thanks to the great community of the Homeless.

W. K. Medlen