Untitled

Every night I dream you die,
Although
Some dreams are beautiful.

I wake up imagining my life without you
Dwindling away the hours in the twilight of a bar
Smoke as foggy as my new reality.

Would I touch another girl
Without your love making it cold
The only warmth  is dying with you

Smoke blows in concentric circles around my head
And every circle returns 
The same emptiness

Every thought returns the same thought 
Your death would mean certain death
Any progress or desire for it would 
Evaporate.

This fear
Is fear
And this fear
Is smoke
Screening in fear
And fear 

Your life 
Is bright progress

The deceptive self
Fearfully makes a mockery of me,
Fools me into
Fake self realizing
Actual self conscious deception-

I am more afraid of change than of death