Dear Colleague

O.K. So, I was supposed to complete a Ne Faculty Orientation for my non-bike shop job at a place we'll name Frayer University. here is an email conversation with some lady who is some professor of something, and head of something else. needless to say, i failed the Orientation, for reasons i still do not understand. Pay attention to the scoring procedure for the asynchronus performance test. im still scratching my head about that one. For all pruposes of me not getting sued and/or hopefully fired, i have replaced the lady's name with betty White wherever it appears. Enjoy.





















You replied on 12/24/2011 12:26 AM.

Dear Colleague,



The New Faculty Orientation/Online Training program has officially come to an end. Successful completion of this course is based on meeting the required passing scores on each of the Quizzes and the Performance tests. Your Results Center scores are as follows:



• Quiz (Module 2) 70 Required score to pass: 80 points or 80%

• Quiz (Module 3) 70. Required score to pass: 80 points or 80%

• Quiz (Module 4) 90. Required score to pass: 80 points or 80%

• Quiz (Module 5) 90. Required score to pass: 100 points or 100%

• Discussion (Module 2) 30 Required score to pass: 24 points or 80%

• Discussion (Module 3) 30 Required score to pass: 24 points or 80%

• Discussion (Module 4) 0 Required score to pass: 32 points or 80%

• Asynchronous Performance test: 0. Required score to pass: 0 points or 100%



I realize that there may have been circumstances that may have prevented you from successfully completing this training.



Please notify your Campus Dean or online hiring manager and re-enroll in the next open section of the training program via the online registration portal. Successful certification in this program is required to teach for Frayer University.



Regards,



Professor White

Business Administration Professor

Full Time Faculty, Online

Frayer University





(REPONSE)





To:

M

Betty White

Sent Items

Saturday, December 24, 2011 12:26 AM






I realze that there may have been circumstances preventing you from successfully communicating to me.



1.) where does it list the required percentage to pass quizes? So I can, you know, know for the future.

2.)Since i scored a zero on the asynchronous test, and the required score is zero, but also 100%, did I pass?

3.) Since I may have passed the Asynchronous with a perfect score of zero, will I hve to coplete the entire NFO orientation again, seeing as the Asynchronous Test was rather tedious?



kyle







(RESPONSE





It's a typo William, I gather from your email that you never make any typos (I regret I do on occasion). You needed 100% of the total possible 100 points (it is a pass/fail test). Your "perfect" score of zero will not be a passing score, I know it's surprising :) The requirements to pass the course are in BOTH the syllabus for the course and in a course announcements posted in the course home in week 1:





(RESPONSE)



Betty White,



It is true that I never make typos. Id rather make bread, make tacos, or even make pancakes, not typos. Anything you have percieved as a typo was actually me instigating new spellings for our language. Its a new project I'm working on. In fact, I was so unaware of typos in your email I simply thought you were working on the same project, and merely repeated your clear sentence out of respect, and to show others the greatness of the project we were both apparently working on.

However, my project was put on halt because of my complete failure in the New Faculty Orientation, and after much sobbing in the closet, I have gathered myself and decided not to drink myself into a coma. You shall be pleased to hear that I shall try again! But Betty White, I need the dates to for bthe next one from you, yes you. For my ignorance preceeds my knowledge here, and only you hold the key to allow me to sign up and try again to get a perfect score of zero. My anger at myself and no one else in particular has receeded from my earlier New Faculty Orientation complete failure, and now, Great Betty White, I have centered all that energy into scoring a new perfect score of zero. And so I implore you, how may I again take this exam?



I doo hop yu dontt find any typos iin this email



Yours in making bread, making tacos, making pancakes, and not making typos,



Kyle



(RESPONSE)



You may register for the next NFO session Online. Go to Frayerelu.blackboard.com and then click on Academics. You will see the New Faculty Orientation information there.



Professor White

Business Administration Professor

Full Time Faculty, Online

Frayer University







(RESPONSE)



Betty White,



Tanks,



Kyle



(RESPONSE



Betty White



First off, your name is a really good song by the band Ace Troubleshooter. Secondly, I apologize for giving you a verbal hazing. My other self, the immature one that stays locked in the basement of my head, had me in a proverbial Diamond Cutter, which is a wrestling move.



I would like to thank you for your information. I have successfully signed up again for the N.F.O. Now, one last question before I stop tugging on your metaphorical pant leg like an over sugared child. or scratching at the metaphorical door like a metaphorical dog about to wet his fur, if you don't like kids.



How does one go about receiving feedback on the mistakes I made the first time? I would like to konw what I did wrong as to not make them again.



Thanks,



Kyle